Planet of the Asses

I like bananas, coconuts and grapes. I like bananas, coconuts and grapes. I like bananas, coconuts and grapes. That's why they call me Tarzan of the Apes!

--Unknown, Summer Camp Cheer

Peaceful donkey

Some people say we evolved from the apes. That would make this the planet of the apes. But I am here to tell you that I believe this is the planet of the asses. I am an ass. You are an ass. We are all asses. Let's get over it.

Just because deep inside my brain I have some a section inherited from early primates does not mean that I should throw my poo when I get upset. Nor should you. But if by chance I get hit by your flung poo I promise to do my best to resist the urge to retaliate.

Resisting the urge to get upset becomes a lot easier if you adjust your expectations to align with reality. I really do HOPE that you can behave with respect, kindness, etc., but if I understand that you are really an ass in sheep's clothing (mixed metaphors are fun), then when you behave like an ass I should not be surprised. Being imperfect myself, I occasionally say or do things that might upset others. Beware! I am an ass.

Now that we understand that we are all collectively asses, we can adjust our expectations of others' actions so we don't have to get so upset. You can be happy and well adjusted even if someone else flings poo at you. He only did it because he's an ass; it's only to be expected. And when he says a kind word about you, you can continue to be happy and maybe a touch happier because he was behaving better than expected.

Every day, all day (unless you are an island,) you will be surrounded by asses. Armed with this knowledge, rise above that and don't act like one yourself. But don't be surprised when others don't follow suit. This little treasure has helped me keep my cool on many occasions as well.

Telling Friends

I don't really have that many close friends. I will be honest. I am not much of a good friend. I never call, I never write. But mostly I am the same person that I was before I had this 'transition of faith.'

Visible changes:

• I don't attend church. I might stay at home with my kids. Or go visit the zoo.
• The occasional lattè or mocha is delicious. No coffee habits, thank you very much (I can't afford them).
• Tea is a very relaxing afternoon drink. Mmmmm. Earl Grey is the best.
• I don't wear the Garments of the Holy Priesthood anymore. It's debatable how visible this change is, and really it's none of your business what kind of underwear I am wearing.
• I don't pay tithing (but I do give money to local charities.)

 The same:

• I am a bit of a snarky person. (some things never change.)
• I love my family. (how could I not?)
• I don't kill people.
• I don't steal.
• I don't take the Lord's name in vain (any lord, you pick. It is only offensive to those who believe and offers nothing—not even cathartic relief—for me)
• I don't swear (except when there is a good reason.)
• I don't smoke (well, other than meat and cheese, but that's different.)
• I have not found sufficient interest in beer, wine or liquor to try any yet.
• I don't have any body piercings or tattoos (and am not planning on it either.)

One of these days, one of my college friends (who I work with, but don't see very often) will see me with a cuppa and start asking questions. Or I am going to say something on Facebook and friends will start asking questions. But I really don't have much to say. I don't have plans to ruin anyone else's faith.

So far, as people have asked about our (me and my family) absence from church, they don't seem to hold it against us. We have not been shunned by our faithful Mormon friends. Hooray!

The Gay Gene

K0k bL0k  - a smart blog

I had a pretty early exposure to homosexuality due to my dad being gay. Long story short, the LDS church's policy at the time was that if you were leaning to the gay side of the path, get married and have kids and all that straight sex will get you on the right path. Eventually, my dad left his wife and children so he could pursue his gay lifestyle. (No hard feelings, read on, Dad.) While the LDS church no longer pushes this as the current 'cure' to being gay, the church certainly does not have a very gay-friendly environment; they say you can be gay as long as you don't act on your feelings.  Wow. That's so magnanimous.

When I was a kid, I believed that being gay was a choice. To be honest, I didn't really spend much time thinking about homosexuality, other than the strong link in my head to 'bad.' I didn't drink colas as a child because they were 'bad' too, but a modern analogy might be deciding on your favorite cola: most people like Coke, some like Pepsi, and even smaller numbers choose Dr. Pepper, RC, or cheap knock-offs. What I didn't see until my teenage years was the HUGE social stigma against homosexuality; even if being gay is just a choice, you don't get shunned by friends and family for choosing to drink a Pepsi. Not the same.

Well, if it were just colas, you can acquire a taste after a time. You could forget how you like that twist that Pepsi has as an aftertaste. The bold tang of Coke might persuade you to only drink Coke (especially if all the Pepsi was gone from the fridge.) Since being gay is NOT a choice, my dad's only real choice was to either live with the mental anguish of being squished into the straight box or to leave his family and be happy. My mother remarried and I had a wonderful childhood, so really, I think things turned out best for everyone involved. Now I have a good relationship with my gay dad.

In high school, we learned some about evolution and genetics. Enough to make ill-informed decisions, I think. I decided that homosexuality could most definitely not be genetic, and MUST be a choice. Why anyone would make that choice, I don't know, because it seems so weird from the straight side of the path (so says the 16 year-old Mormon brain). Plus, look at me, my siblings and I are all straight (insufficient empirical evidence.)

There very well could be a gay gene. Some scientists say that they have found one (a gene that is passed on from your mother) that is linked to "increased fecundity" in women. This would cause the women to be more attractive to men, have an easier time with childbirth, etc. If this gene has the side-effect of pushing men to the homosexual side of the path, it still helps the mother have more children, thus increasing her chances of her genes being propagated.

From reading more on genetics and evolution, it seems that all things are possible as long as evolution can find stasis along the pathways of that change. All genes are 'trying' to survive, as much as a gene can try. Really, it is just a matter of genes that don't survive disappearing from the pool. If a gene and its alternative allele can strike a balance with one not completely obliterating the other in terms of reproductivity, then it will survive. This goes for all sorts of things you can imagine, from homosexuality to male-pattern baldness to the propensity to bear twins. This is not to say that the only factor is genes, but I think that there is likely a genetic basis. Environment likely also has a role in shaping what for each individual defines a 'normal' and 'healthy' attraction and relationship.

In the end, I think it matters less WHY a person is homosexual than how we treat them. Does it really matter who a person is attracted to? Does it hurt you personally if your child/friend/neighbor/coworker is homosexual? Genetically speaking, heterosexually inclined people should be unconcerned that there are homosexuals because it means less competition in terms of offspring, given that only heterosexual sex causes offspring. Are gay people less human? In many states, they are by law. If a gay man ignores his homosexual tendencies and lives the straight life, does that make him more human? It seems to come down to majority rules without minority rights. Nothing a little bit of tolerance, understanding and humanity can't fix. Love thy brother. And his husband.

How to Live Forever

Brother Brigham was obviously full of something when he said that by living the Word of Wisdom, we should all easily be able to attain at least two hundred years of age ("The Word of Wisdom—Degeneracy—Wickedness in the United States—How to Prolong Life", Journal of Discourses, Volume 12, pp. 117-123).  Yet by pushing the evolutionary envelope, it theoretically would be possible to increase the life span of humans through selective breeding.

I am currently reading "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins.  This idea comes from there.  If we restrict having children until age 40, then after several generations, bump it up to 50, then 60, and so on, eventually, the 'old-age' diseases that are hereditary, including old age itself, would be selectively bred out.  On paper, this sounds all fine and dandy, but first off, it would be very difficult to accomplish, and second, we have no idea what the side effects would be.  Maybe nature would trade off the shorter life span for a smaller brain.  We then would all live long lives as idiots. :)  In the process, it is possible that much of the human gene pool would go extinct, which could also cause problems.

But this is certainly a much more scientifically founded idea than 'no hot drinks, alcohol, or tobacco' will make our marrow and sinews stronger, enabling us to live hundreds of years.