Part of what the LDS church does to keep its members anesthetized from the influences of the world is to keep them busy. Every member needs a testimony, a friend, and a calling. This produces semi-permanent spiritual (and mental) adolescence. You never grow up. Bears hibernate every winter, but wake up each spring; Mormons serve and worship away their busy lives never knowing what lies outside the Mormon bubble.
I had a testimony. I had some friends. I had a couple of callings. I didn't have any time to go looking for trouble. In addition, shortly after we got married, we had a baby. Then another, and then another. Kids, cute as they may be, are parasites. Or maybe it is mutually beneficial because they do give back lots of joy. But the sleepless nights I will never get back are permanently damaging, I think. Either way, kids take a lot of time, too. So between work, family, church, and some cherished "me time," I didn't much time to think about anything, let alone the mysteries of God. I admit, there was a lot of spiritual stagnation during that time, but I was definitely far from losing faith in God or losing my testimony.I kept serving in my callings. Notice the plural there. For several years, I had two, concurrent callings and for a non-trivial amount of time, there were three. It was exhausting. I don't know how bishops do it. I am certain my service hours came nowhere near what a good bishop would put in, but I was very relieved that I was released before I cracked.
I stayed in limbo for a while, not thinking much about the things on my shelf, just carrying on (enduring to the end?) It's possible that I would still be in that same state had either some questions been answered to my satisfaction and nothing else upset my equilibrium. But the nature of the beast is to keep moving. So off the wall the shelf fell....
No comments:
Post a Comment