The Proverbial Straw

I was not looking for a way out of the church.  If anything I was trying to get questions answered. But mostly I was just trying to keep on keepin' on.

Then, out of the blue, a friend of a friend of a friend posted Why I Left the Mormon Church. Given my current state of testimony and shelf mass, I have to say that this was really the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The blame does not go to Brandon, it is more that anything probably could have dropped the shelf at this point. But after reading his essay, I found that I agreed with a lot of it.

That's the last straw!

Several of my friends also read this essay. We planned to get together to discuss it. You know, book club style. I wanted to make sure that I could hold up my end of the conversation, so I read the thesis several times, reading references and doing other research to see how it fit in my way of thinking. Now I not only had his statements to prove or disprove, I also had all the junk that fell off my shelf. I was in deep trouble now.

Some issues that were plaguing me at this point:

1. If I can cause the 'burning in my bosom' myself, which from my perspective is indistinguishable in every way from what I have felt as 'confirmations by the spirit' throughout my life, how can I be sure of anything? Is all revelation bunk?  Suddenly my 'testimony' is a burning pile of hooie.
2. Why is it that my prayers are always answered with the feeling that 'you already know' or 'it is up to you'? Never a truly affirmative or negative answer.
3. Why has the temple ceremony changed so much since Joseph received it? Why is it so similar to the Freemasonry rites?
4. Blood atonement. WTF? Who EVER thought that was a good idea? It is appalling.
5. Why did I never learn about Joseph's polygamy and polyandry before now?
6. Translation of The Book of Mormon using a peepstone in a hat? And the Book of Abraham is really a bunch of funeral rites? Church history seems to be unraveling before my eyes.
7. What is God's true nature? It doesn't seem to be what I was taught all my life; there are too many inconsistencies with what I believe if I open my eyes and look outside my immediate sphere.
8. Why was the early church (even post civil-right movement) so racist?
9. Why is the church still so misogynistic?
10. What is really wrong with gay marriage?
11. How does evolution mix with the creation story?
12. The flood was a myth, what about the rest of the Bible stories?

As the camel's back broke, the load of straw started to fall, and fall, and fall. Where would this pile of crap questions land?